All the time
I never do this, ever. I have often passed judgement on those who do. But sadly i have no choice. I feel sick to my stomach and i cant stop shaking. Since i dont know any of you and vice versa, i would consider this safe. Im resorting to this cause im alone. My best friend just left and it feels like ive been sleeping for the past 3 years. It is like if i suddenly woke up nd it is still 2010. I feel like the outsider, or the one person whos not laughing while everyone does at the joke. Ive never been so alone like now, my best friend (my only friend) has called it quits on me. For the longest time it felt as though it was “us” against the world. But lately it feels as though its me defending “us” from the rest of the world by myself. You ever walk into a room nd feel like you don’t belong? I get that everywhere, i just never thought i would get it from my only friend. I was left high and dry. I once had friends, i traded them in for co workers. I once had a love, i traded that in for a 3 year coma. I lost my voice but doesnt make much difference when theres no one to listen. Secrets, dates nd empty promises will do that to some. Poisonous ppl getting the royal treatment, while i get the leftovers. The weight of school nd work can come crashing down on you when you least expect it. I wanna sleep but i can’t, too sick. I wanna get my mind to stop, but it doesn’t. The funny thing is i was letting my guard down, i was learning to trust…i felt i could turn my back and not find a knife in it, i was wrong. And now, ive lost my interest. Not on the person, but on ppl overall. The girl had me, and crumbled me to pieces and smiled doing it. Im the bad guy for not putting up with it anymore? I dont know. All i know is im sick. Every secret, every pic, every broken promise, every man makes my stomach want to explode out my mouth. This girl will read this, she wont understand, it wasnt her. This 3 years i was dealing with someone i made up in my mind. The real girl slept for 3 years and has woken up with a ravage thirst. Unfortunately for her, i have nothing left in me for her to force out of me. She took everything. Its late, i have to be up in a few hrs, my body is in constant pain nd my mind easily drifts into dark memories. I just hope the worst is over.